If you've always considered yourself a kind and generous person - someone who goes out of their way to help, accommodate, and support others - this is for you.
Take a moment and ask yourself a tough question:

Are you truly just being kind, or is there a part of you trying to control others?

I know, this question might sting a little. But take a deep breath and let it sink in. This shift in perspective could be your key to breaking free from a cycle of people-pleasing.

As a  former people pleaser, I believed I was being kind. I thought my ability to anticipate others’ needs, always jumping in to help and saying what’s needed to avoid conflict was a virtue. But once I realized that my people-pleasing wasn’t an act of kindness but a way to control others, everything shifted. That single perspective change was the key to breaking free from living my life up to (often imagined) expectations of others, though it took many steps to fully embody it.

The hidden control behind people pleasing

Let’s be honest: When you say “yes” when you want to say “no,” what are you hoping for in return? Are you seeking appreciation, validation, or approval? Are you trying to keep the peace so no one gets upset with you? Are you subtly managing how others perceive you?

True kindness is given freely, without attachment to the outcome. People-pleasing, on the other hand, often comes with an unspoken expectation: If I do this for you, then you’ll like me, approve of me, or at the very least, not be upset with me. That’s not kindness - that’s a transaction. And at its core, it’s an attempt to control how others feel about you.

The People-Pleasing Paradox

The most sneaky aspect of people-pleasing is the belief that it strengthens your relationships. You fear that if you set boundaries or express your true opinions, people will be upset with you. But here’s the paradox: When you constantly mold yourself to fit others’ expectations, you’re not actually building real relationships - you’re losing them.

True connection is based on two people showing up as their authentic selves. No masks. No conditions. If you’re always performing, how can anyone truly know and love you for who you really are? And if someone only sticks around because you constantly cater to them, is that a relationship worth keeping?

Get comfortable with the discomfort

So, if you recognize yourself in this, here’s what you can do next:

Think about the last time someone asked for a favor and you said ‘yes’ when later you realized you actually wanted to say ‘no’.

How did you say yes? Was it an auto-pilot answer? Or did you pause to ask yourself: "Is this something I truly want to do?" 

Now, imagine yourself saying no instead, and picture the worst reaction you fear. Someone being upset, frustrated, or disappointed in you. Truly imagine it vividly: their worst possible reaction. Feel the discomfort as it arises. Does that uneasy feeling grow stronger? 

You might be tempted to think of all the things you could say to explain or justify yourself, softening the impact. Instead, allow yourself to feel it fully.

This is the key: once you get comfortable with the discomfort of upsetting others, the fear of their response will no longer control you. It's the start of breaking free from people-pleasing. 

Imagine taking this shift even further. What would your life look like if you could stop people-pleasing once and for all? If you could always make honest choices based on what you truly want, without having to manage others’ reactions? 

I'm excited to launch my signature program: Seize Your Story soon. A practical, step-by-step program  designed to help you break free from the need to please others and fully embrace who you truly are - so you can live your life to the fullest, without holding back.

Ready to finally break free from people pleasing? Join the waitlist here to be the first to know when my program launches. In the meantime, you'll receive actionable steps and inspiration so you can start your journey as of today.